(OPEN ON: TRL SEQUENCE.)

ALEXANDRIA

Welcome back to TRL. I’m Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and ladies, this is the moment you’ve been waiting for. Coming hot off their Smash the Patriarchy world tour, give it up for the Woke Boys!

(The WOKE BOYS enter to shrieks as they wave to their adoring fans.)

ALEXANDRIA

Right now, you guys are climbing up the charts with your latest single, “Hello, I Love You, Won’t You Tell Me Your Preferred Pronouns.” But I understand you’re performing something new today.

DAVID

That’s right, Alexandria. When you said the world will end in 12 years if we don’t do something about it, we knew we had to take action.

DYLAN

We’re in a state of emergency, and not just because I’m dangerously close to falling in love with you, AOC.

ALEXANDRIA

Oh my God, swoon.

CHRIS

We’ve got blue balls waiting for the Green New Deal to pass.

PARKER

This one goes out to you, Alexandria.

KYLE

The last five years were the hottest on record. But when I look at you, the planet’s not the only thing heating up.

(ALEXANDRIA swoons. The WOKE BOYS begin dancing as the music starts.)

DAVID

The earth that we live on is in quite a mess
And girl, I understand that that’s giving you stress
Human behavior and climate change are totally linked
But I’ve got something we can do while the polar bears go extinct

CHRIS, DAVID, DYLAN, KYLE, AND PARKER

Girl
You may be the hottest thing in the world
Oh please
My body temp just rose two degrees
While the acid rain falls down from above
Nothing can stop this burning love

KYLE

Scientists are saying that now’s the time to act
And girl, I know together we can make a deep impact

(KYLE thrusts. DYLAN points at a graph held by DAVID.)

CHRIS

Things are getting urgent, you can see it in this chart
Don’t know what’s melting faster, the ice caps or my heart

(All the WOKE BOYS do the Justin Bieber heart gesture.)

PARKER

Get in the back seat of my Prius, so the air we won’t pollute
Girl, you drive me crazy and that’s an inconvenient truth

DYLAN

So let’s buy some solar panels to get our energy supply
And let’s show the world a scorching love even Republicans can’t deny

CHRIS, DAVID, DYLAN, KYLE, AND PARKER

Girl
You may be the hottest thing in the world
Oh please
My body temp just rose two degrees
While the acid rain falls down from above
Nothing can stop this burning, burning love.